What is Love Like in our 40s?

He was in my thoughts every minute of the day, in my dreams every hour of the night.  I was 29 and this new love hit me like a freight train. There was no stopping us. It was passionate, it was intense, it was raw, it was euphoric, it was addicting, and every other emotion in between. My life was a non-stop rollercoaster, full of excitement, suspense, and my arms up in the air savoring every forsaken second of this thrilling ride. By his side I could envision the possibility of an amazing life. I have been with my husband for 16 years now, and this is how our love story began.

I recently met up with a dear friend of mine and we started talking about love and how relationships change over the years, some for the better, others for the worse. She suggested I write about it, and with Valentine’s just around the corner, the timing couldn’t be better. This is my story.

Once we settled down a bit (ok a lot) and had a baby 4 years later, our love story began a new chapter. In our 30s, reality set in and during those crazy baby-rearing years, our love was more like a hurricane.  A whirlwind of emotions, frustrations, longing, conflicts. Our lives so intertwined, yet quite distant at times. With a son needing me all the time, there were many sleepless nights and two adults wanting to be together but too tired to even try. Everything was amplified when baby #2 came along. Work, tantrums, cleaning, dirty diapers, feedings, squabbles, spit ups, preschool, first words, first steps, playdates, who had time for love? What I didn’t realize then, but do now, is that this chapter of our lives, as tumultuous and busy as it was, was setting us up for what was to come in our 40s, the next chapter of our love story.

Now that we have been able to come up for some air, and actually see each other again, we are relishing this new phase of love. It’s a work in progress but it’s pretty darn cool. The drama is no longer there, our kids are older and more independent, and I am grateful that we haven’t given up on each other. Our love now is calmer and more meaningful. It is grounded, and it feels stronger. Where our kids in the past distracted and divided us, they are now the catalysts for growth in our love story. They make us laugh, they teach us about life, they inspire us to be stronger. Our love survived the infatuation stage, the intensity, the jealousy, the added responsibility, the arguments, the neglect, the gazillion sleepless nights, the tension, the busy-ness of life and now love is ampler, and it is given more freely. All our experiences made room for this stage which I like to see as the beginning of our second honeymoon.

Love changes (it is supposed to), love grows, love evolves, and we still have several chapters to fill out, but there is no doubt in my mind that I will be applying my forty-something wisdom to our relationship, with arms raised and ready to enjoy this next ride.

Whether you are in a long term relationship, in a new relationship, or sans a relationship, what is love like for you now?



  1. I’ve always thought that that is what real love is, the intensity of the first couple of years is the infatuation stage, the “being i love” stage. Love is caring for someone even when it bugs you that they leave their shoes everywhere. Love is still caring when you want to “kill” them and love is persisting and working through even half of you wants to walk out. Love is the hard part made easier.

    1. That’s right on Esthercita! Real love is a choice we make every day, love accepts differences and disputes, but it also becomes deeper when you have shared so much with that one person. Thanks for your comment. Besos!

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